The Hobbit Isn’t Horrible

The Hobbit isn’t horrible. And I have some apologies to make.

So, here’s the thing: I’m prone to, I guess you could call it, being irrationally opinionated about trivial things for no particular reason. I’m kind of the human equivalent of Hegelian dialectics; I’ll love something, hate something, and then come to be casually indifferent to it. I tend to hyper-fixate so vehemently on a topic that once I get tired of it, I have no choice but to viciously hate it. Two opposite extremes leading to an eventual middle ground.

In short, I loved The Hobbit when I first started reading it back in middle school, ended up hating it and slandered it repeatedly in speeches made to my 8th grade English class and my father, and refused to even consider trying to read it again. However, it’s been a few years, and so, I tried it again with a much more open mind.

And I liked it.

This is a bit of a problem, considering my anti-Tolkien status from my earlier, more primitive years. I told people the Lord of the Rings franchise, despite never reading anything other than the first half of the prequel, was slow, full of purple prose, and overly sentimental.

Yeah, so… I was wrong. Oops.

Here are my thoughts. Dad, if you get your hands on this… please forgive me. I thought guacamole was gross. I had no taste whatsoever. Don’t worry, I’ve since been baptized by the gods of general not-suckiness.

The Hobbit: A Summary

Bilbo Baggins, a hobbit of 50 years, liked sensible things and lived a sensible life. Chill dude. Had a really awesome crib. Basically, this wizard who very much sounds like he’s been on some form of narcotics commits property damage on this innocent hobbit’s door and summons, like, a dozen of Snow White’s friends with names that rhyme. 

They coerce this middle-aged hobbit to leave everything behind for the taste of adventure- you know the drill. Their main goal? To kill Smaug- this dragon that stole from the dwarfs’ ancestors and now terrorizes everyone that lives by the Mountain. No, I’m sorry to inform you, this isn’t a Shrek situation- no one, much less a donkey, will be banging the dragon. I was disappointed as well.

What follows in a series of events that the author makes sure to inform you is mostly the result of plot armor in which little Bilbo Baggins finds his roar! They meet shape-shifters, elves, trolls, talking eagles; and yet, no women. I’m not kidding- I’m pretty sure no woman speaks in this entire novel. A major bruh moment.

But, the book is charming nonetheless. It’s a safe, timeless story that brought me a bit of comfort in a time when everything seemed to be happening all the time.

Review

Characters

Bilbo Baggins is me on every possible level. He’s short, he likes to complain, he makes shrill, high-pitched noises when confronted with something unappealing, and he constantly talks about food. Me. He hates doing things, I hate doing things; I loved him. I like that he didn’t lose a lot of his core character flaws and quirks as he developed- he still complained, was easily frightened, and avoided conflict. He’s an endearingly flawed character, and I found myself relating to him more than I expected to.

The rest of the main characters were memorable in their own ways, too. Gandalf in all of his omniscient, eccentric glory; Gollum and his codependency issues; Thorin being a HOE- there was plenty of personality to go around.

I will not and cannot remember the names or roles of the rest of the dwarves on simple principle- those wenches did NOTHING.

Plot

In short, this story is cute. That’s pretty much how I’d summarize it. The way The Hobbit is narrated makes it sound like a campfire story that would lull you to sleep and I LOVE IT. It’s not what I’m used to reading, but I found myself enjoying how… calming it was. It didn’t feel very high-stakes or intense and I liked that about it. This is the kind of story to read in the morning with your breakfast. VERY CUTE HIGHLY RECOMMEND.

That being said, it’s not a fast-paced thriller. I never felt like I had to keep reading to find out what happened; the story is pretty lowkey, all things considered. So, it all just depends on what you’re into.

The lore in this book is thoroughly developed and so AESTHETICALLY PLEASING. The different species all have their own customs, ancestral pride, and past grievances within their subgroups. Tolkien has this really funny and immersive way of explaining why the characters act the way they do and I know I’ve mentioned it before but VERY CUTE.

Conclusion

I’m glad I took another chance on The Hobbit. It’s comforting and oddly nostalgic, despite the fact that I didn’t grow up with the tale of Bilbo Baggins. This is a recreational book; very cottagecore.

Take your time with this one, my friends. There’s no rush.